FORGIVENESS

Recently I have started a new business venture that I am both excited and a bit nervous about because it’s something I have never done before. And I was reading a book by one of the great leaders in this business Jim Dornan, and in his book he touched on an interesting subject of Forgiveness. It was interesting so much for me because it reminded me of the incident back at my house between my mom and brother. They had a squabble over something that I think was trivial but of course if one is determined to be right, even the smallest of things get blown out of proportion.

So after they had their misunderstanding (often that is just the case between arguments), I noticed how my mother was affected by her inability to just let things be and let it go. She was just adamant to inflict some emotional blackmail upon my brother by continuing to choose to cling to the poison of grudge. (Often times this is a mechanism used by parents and even us at times, to get people to do our will instead of theirs.)

In his book, Its Simple, Not Obvious, Dornan hit on a point that is so true. He said that, most in our society operate on the principle of "you owe me, or I owe you." In other words, we "keep score." This is destructive and builds barriers and bitterness. It ruins relationships and businesses. We much understand that when we have unforgiveness in our hearts that we actually become the victim. When we resist forgiving it is largely because it seems "unfair". We want to get even or make them suffer. Unfortunately we think that the other person's suffering will make us happy or at peace. But as the Buddha once said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

Bitterness and unforgiveness are two of the most destructive forces on earth. We see this behavioural pattern even in our own society, when one group of people still holds grudges what the other group had done to them in the past. And its not actually even them that it was done to but upon those who came before them, and to try and even the score they insist on others being punished for the sins of their fathers and call this justice and fairness.

We resist and even resent forgiving largely because we thinks its unfair. However if you valued feeling good more than being right, you would find it very easy to just let others off the hook more because it doesn't serve anyone. It keeps you in constant bitterness and a sour state and the other in the state of not feeling they can do right by you. However, if each of us acknowledge the truth we all have wronged someone at some point, and how much we wanted forgiveness that comes without any strings attached, we would be much more understand of each other and willing to pardon each other's short comings once in a while.

Dornan also said that, when we accept the fact that, one, people are complex. Two, people are often hurting inside their hearts in some way. And three, "hurting people hurt people" (a point I had made several times, "those who hurt the most, hurt the most), then we can begin to see why the habit of forgiveness can be liberating and healing for both parties. When we show maturity and love, we can do so much more because we spend so much less time worrying about who is right or wrong. We can focus on loving and serving and helping each other because ultimately that is what we enjoy being with each other.

Your example of the habit of forgiveness will be a great inspiration and comfort to those around, and you will enjoy peace and the ability to build your relationships with joy and harmony.

"If you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask no one to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself of that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world, control your mate, or control your child. You are the only one who creates your reality, for no one else can think for you. No one else can do it. It is only you. Every bit of it, you!" ~Abraham